Advocate
For the past few months I have been buried in filings of paperwork, returning to court because I missed something in my prep work, talking with people about my son's medical history, etc., etc. I guess you would call this advocating.
We could not afford a lawyer, so the brunt of the work fell to me. I may as well have been doing this blind folded. And as you can imagine, I often struggled with anxiety about making sure I had all of my t's crossed and i's dotted. There's alot on the line when you are petitioning for guardianship.
Yet, at the height of my heart's flutterings and flailings...God met me. When I saw that I was beginning to feel like this was all up to me, He reminded me. He is my advocate. And those gospel whisperings blew across my soul yet again.
How do I miss them? It takes me so long to see sometimes. What a privilege to be able to advocate for my son. To toil and grieve over him...because I love him. And this, this is a beautiful snap shot of my Father's love for me. Because Christ is my advocate. And He awakens my soul's eyes to this comfort, this assurance in the depth of the trial. He reveals Himself to me. My hero. My advocate.
And by the way, I was granted guardianship of my son today :o). Afterwards, I took him to Jamba Juice and it was as if nothing had changed between us. We were right down the street from a library I used to take him to as a boy. Shafts of memories like that pierce my heart from time to time, and I gently rubbed his short hair as he lay his head on the sunlit table on the patio as we drank our juice. I would much rather have been celebrating a college graduation with him, or better yet...his wedding, anything other than legal guardianship today.
But there we were. This is what God has ordained. And what God ordains is always right, and always good. He loves my son more than my husband or I could ever attempt to love him. And He alone is the perfect advocate.
We could not afford a lawyer, so the brunt of the work fell to me. I may as well have been doing this blind folded. And as you can imagine, I often struggled with anxiety about making sure I had all of my t's crossed and i's dotted. There's alot on the line when you are petitioning for guardianship.
Yet, at the height of my heart's flutterings and flailings...God met me. When I saw that I was beginning to feel like this was all up to me, He reminded me. He is my advocate. And those gospel whisperings blew across my soul yet again.
How do I miss them? It takes me so long to see sometimes. What a privilege to be able to advocate for my son. To toil and grieve over him...because I love him. And this, this is a beautiful snap shot of my Father's love for me. Because Christ is my advocate. And He awakens my soul's eyes to this comfort, this assurance in the depth of the trial. He reveals Himself to me. My hero. My advocate.
And by the way, I was granted guardianship of my son today :o). Afterwards, I took him to Jamba Juice and it was as if nothing had changed between us. We were right down the street from a library I used to take him to as a boy. Shafts of memories like that pierce my heart from time to time, and I gently rubbed his short hair as he lay his head on the sunlit table on the patio as we drank our juice. I would much rather have been celebrating a college graduation with him, or better yet...his wedding, anything other than legal guardianship today.
But there we were. This is what God has ordained. And what God ordains is always right, and always good. He loves my son more than my husband or I could ever attempt to love him. And He alone is the perfect advocate.
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