"I am full of earth and dirt and You..."
"I am full of earth
You are heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
But a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt" ~ David Crowder, "Wholly Yours"
Schizoaffective. That's the current diagnosis for my son. All the symptoms of bi~polar and all of the symptoms of schizophrenia encapsulated into my son's fearfully and wonderfully created brain. On top of this, he has no insight into his illness. A phenomenon that is intelligently explained in this book (highly recommend the first few chapters...bravissimo!).
I am no expert, but I have lived up close and personal with this disease now for quite some time. I've attended classes, groups, read books...some helpful, most not so helpful, and researched the internet like a tuna fisherman for answers and understanding. I'm currently researching the autoimmune connection because my son had a severe and rare autoimmune disorder as a child.
Leaving no stone unturned, if at all possible, yet I know the One who is in control. The One who reveals a bit of His character in Exodus 4:11, "Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?"
This "beautiful~terrible" (schizophrenia), as I like to refer to it, comes with many misconceptions. Honestly, many that I had myself. Before my son was afflicted. Before my neat little self induced categories began to be messed with.
Many books, pamphlets, and misguided movies (if you want to see my head explode, just ask me about the "Soloist") have attempted to explain this illness and possible solutions. You can hear the anger and hurt from family, rightfully so, in many of these resources. After all, why is that the very symptoms that mirror those in such illnesses as end stage parkinson's disease merit a distasteful reponse from our society? Why are we patting ourselves on the back that we have moved the "mentally ill" out of asylyms only to spew them out onto the streets? Could it be that we are uncomforable with them? The beautiful~terrible. It doesn't fit into our neat, systematic, created solutions, so we conclude all is lost...let the streets take them.
Or worse, we tell oursevles that they are drug addicts, alcoholics and demon possessed people. Deserving of such a fate. How else could we sleep at night?
I won't go on anymore like that, because I know there is hope. And we have been the recipients of God's gracious compassion. I have seen it. I've seen it in my church. With my family and friends. With my son's wonderful doctor. We are all learning to live with the beautiful~terrible, with God's sustaining help and power. We are learning, changing. Maybe we were the ones who needed healing first?
There is hope, because as I've researched, scientists are learning. Learning that the brain is vast, unconquered. More so than the moon. But God is about revealing and redeeming. And He's starting with the "neat, category, comfortable" ones like me first.
You are heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
But a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt" ~ David Crowder, "Wholly Yours"
Schizoaffective. That's the current diagnosis for my son. All the symptoms of bi~polar and all of the symptoms of schizophrenia encapsulated into my son's fearfully and wonderfully created brain. On top of this, he has no insight into his illness. A phenomenon that is intelligently explained in this book (highly recommend the first few chapters...bravissimo!).
I am no expert, but I have lived up close and personal with this disease now for quite some time. I've attended classes, groups, read books...some helpful, most not so helpful, and researched the internet like a tuna fisherman for answers and understanding. I'm currently researching the autoimmune connection because my son had a severe and rare autoimmune disorder as a child.
Leaving no stone unturned, if at all possible, yet I know the One who is in control. The One who reveals a bit of His character in Exodus 4:11, "Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?"
This "beautiful~terrible" (schizophrenia), as I like to refer to it, comes with many misconceptions. Honestly, many that I had myself. Before my son was afflicted. Before my neat little self induced categories began to be messed with. Many books, pamphlets, and misguided movies (if you want to see my head explode, just ask me about the "Soloist") have attempted to explain this illness and possible solutions. You can hear the anger and hurt from family, rightfully so, in many of these resources. After all, why is that the very symptoms that mirror those in such illnesses as end stage parkinson's disease merit a distasteful reponse from our society? Why are we patting ourselves on the back that we have moved the "mentally ill" out of asylyms only to spew them out onto the streets? Could it be that we are uncomforable with them? The beautiful~terrible. It doesn't fit into our neat, systematic, created solutions, so we conclude all is lost...let the streets take them.
Or worse, we tell oursevles that they are drug addicts, alcoholics and demon possessed people. Deserving of such a fate. How else could we sleep at night?I won't go on anymore like that, because I know there is hope. And we have been the recipients of God's gracious compassion. I have seen it. I've seen it in my church. With my family and friends. With my son's wonderful doctor. We are all learning to live with the beautiful~terrible, with God's sustaining help and power. We are learning, changing. Maybe we were the ones who needed healing first?
There is hope, because as I've researched, scientists are learning. Learning that the brain is vast, unconquered. More so than the moon. But God is about revealing and redeeming. And He's starting with the "neat, category, comfortable" ones like me first.
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