Advocacy Part 2
“But I will not tell you how long or short the way will be; only that it lies across a river. But do not fear that, for I am the great Bridge Builder.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
I wish I could say that I always had great faith in God for every step of this trial. But that wouldn't be true. Quite the contrary, I was weak, weary, often the only prayers I could utter were one word prayers such as "help". Yet I could take comfort in the fact that God heard everyone of my whispered weak prayers. I couldn't see Him, feel Him, hear Him. But He was there. Always.
And I couldn't explain this if I tried, but along the way my love for God grew. Don't even ask me how God does that. I do not know. Changing my anger for love. Only God. Only because of the cross.
Now the next phase of our care for our son was about to begin. The week of Christmas he was placed in a group home. To my surprise it wasn't as hideous as I imagined a group home to be. My son had his own room, a nice living, dining and kitchen area. Beautifully manicured lawn in an established, quiet neighborhood. And it was next door to my friend's home.
Though our hearts were breaking with sadness, there was much to give thanks to God for.
Before my husband and I came to the difficult realization that we could no longer care for our son in our home, I had much to wrestle with. Truth be told, I came to the realization later than my husband did. Moms have a in~grown tendency towards care giving and sacrificing on the home front (in general). Not that my husband didn't sacrifice, it was different as I was the main one at home each day. So this was hard for me. The letting go and trusting God for the next level of care.
Another side issue in my heart was having to rely on government assistance. I am a Conservative, believe in minimal government reliance. So this felt like hypocrisy to me. Yet there was no other alternative.
A friend of mine suggested that I look for a charity to help us. Believe me I searched, searched in vain. To my dismay, there were no charities or happy "Ronald McDonald" type houses for the seriously mentally ill. Nothing. And what was especially disheartening, there were no "Christian" charities or resources. As a Christian, this burdened me. Armed with tear stained, battle worn, unexpected empathy, a new question began to swirl in my mind..."where have we (us Christians) been"?
And so our Christmas was celebrated with this new normal. A mix of loss, grief, exhaustion, gratefulness, provision from God, and for me...a new appreciation for that baby in that manger...so long ago.
King of Kings, born in a humble stable. Sleeping on straw.
Compassionate Christ, fully baby, fully God. Born poor for me. For you. Seeker of the outcast, the refuse of the world. Defender of the weak.
I felt a special kinship that Christmas with those shepherds in the fields out watching their flocks. God sends his angels to announce the greatest announcement known to mankind...to lowly shepherds.
What a privilege to be brought low.
What a privilege to be brought low to be near the King. To see His glory.
"And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”
When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them." ~ Luke 2:8~20
― C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
And I couldn't explain this if I tried, but along the way my love for God grew. Don't even ask me how God does that. I do not know. Changing my anger for love. Only God. Only because of the cross.
Now the next phase of our care for our son was about to begin. The week of Christmas he was placed in a group home. To my surprise it wasn't as hideous as I imagined a group home to be. My son had his own room, a nice living, dining and kitchen area. Beautifully manicured lawn in an established, quiet neighborhood. And it was next door to my friend's home.
Though our hearts were breaking with sadness, there was much to give thanks to God for.
Before my husband and I came to the difficult realization that we could no longer care for our son in our home, I had much to wrestle with. Truth be told, I came to the realization later than my husband did. Moms have a in~grown tendency towards care giving and sacrificing on the home front (in general). Not that my husband didn't sacrifice, it was different as I was the main one at home each day. So this was hard for me. The letting go and trusting God for the next level of care.
Another side issue in my heart was having to rely on government assistance. I am a Conservative, believe in minimal government reliance. So this felt like hypocrisy to me. Yet there was no other alternative.
A friend of mine suggested that I look for a charity to help us. Believe me I searched, searched in vain. To my dismay, there were no charities or happy "Ronald McDonald" type houses for the seriously mentally ill. Nothing. And what was especially disheartening, there were no "Christian" charities or resources. As a Christian, this burdened me. Armed with tear stained, battle worn, unexpected empathy, a new question began to swirl in my mind..."where have we (us Christians) been"?
And so our Christmas was celebrated with this new normal. A mix of loss, grief, exhaustion, gratefulness, provision from God, and for me...a new appreciation for that baby in that manger...so long ago.
King of Kings, born in a humble stable. Sleeping on straw.
Compassionate Christ, fully baby, fully God. Born poor for me. For you. Seeker of the outcast, the refuse of the world. Defender of the weak.
I felt a special kinship that Christmas with those shepherds in the fields out watching their flocks. God sends his angels to announce the greatest announcement known to mankind...to lowly shepherds.
What a privilege to be brought low.
What a privilege to be brought low to be near the King. To see His glory.
"And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”
When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them." ~ Luke 2:8~20
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