"he will quiet you by his love..."
My son is having a few good days here, I treasure these days because they are fleeting. Here is part of our conversation today:
"Mom, the Bible says that a man is called to lead his wife and the wife is called to be a man's helper, right?...Well, I want to lead my wife, but I don't want my wife to be struggling so much that I have to lead her through the basics. Is it all right to want a wife that is on the same page as me?"
Sometimes I think to myself, "son, you may have schizophrenia but you often see things more clearly than healthy people do".
And me, I often see things through the lens of my circumstances or feelings. My struggles with bitterness, discouragement, anger at God and doubting. They come to the forefront when the battle gets strong.
Lately doubt has crept in, even to the point of doubting my own salvation. After all, a true Christian wouldn't struggle with the above sins now would she?
So where do I turn, over and over I have this choice. To accuse God, to compare, to wallow in the blanket of bitterness? Or to simply go to my God for refuge.
Because doubt can not live there.
And in my doubting, I see God's name in that Book and my heart is all a flutter. Because I know I love Him. And at His name, I lay everything down again. Doubt flees, because love burns brighter.
Now I remember that I am His.
How can I love Him except that He has won me over, with His very own love. A love most profoundly expressed in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.
"The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing." ~ Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)
"Mom, the Bible says that a man is called to lead his wife and the wife is called to be a man's helper, right?...Well, I want to lead my wife, but I don't want my wife to be struggling so much that I have to lead her through the basics. Is it all right to want a wife that is on the same page as me?"
Sometimes I think to myself, "son, you may have schizophrenia but you often see things more clearly than healthy people do".
Lately doubt has crept in, even to the point of doubting my own salvation. After all, a true Christian wouldn't struggle with the above sins now would she?
So where do I turn, over and over I have this choice. To accuse God, to compare, to wallow in the blanket of bitterness? Or to simply go to my God for refuge.
Because doubt can not live there.
And in my doubting, I see God's name in that Book and my heart is all a flutter. Because I know I love Him. And at His name, I lay everything down again. Doubt flees, because love burns brighter.
Now I remember that I am His.
How can I love Him except that He has won me over, with His very own love. A love most profoundly expressed in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.
"The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing." ~ Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)
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