Glorious Christ in the Already, But Not Yet
I posted a piece by a fellow advocate mom, Laura Pogliano, quite a few posts ago here. I'm stealing (not really, I have her permission) a few words from a facebook post by her today that succinctly described what I was experiencing this afternoon with my son.
"Schizophrenia all by itself has been called "the worst disease known to man," and by people who are working to cure it. It can destroy a person's brain over time. A world famous doctor who just visited Hopkins said to me: "having a child get schizophrenia can be worse than having a child die. He "dies" but continues to live, only he's not there any more". I said, "YES. This disease is endless grieving, nothing can prepare you for it; if your child died, that in itself would be the most horrible thing you could imagine, but mine 'dies' right in front of me, twice a year...you doctors resurrect him for a few months, then he 'dies' again". He said, "I know, I'm sorry."
I read those words after my husband took our son home, back to his group home tonight. A flood gate of tears ensued because in a natural sense, those words are painfully true.
We're still in a down turn. My son is struggling only he doesn't realize it. As I stared into his beautiful big brown eyes and he told me how he wants to get a house, a car, and have family over for barbecues...all this after he gets his job...I didn't even try to explain, again, how he is sick and unless he maintains an upward spiral for a good time, work will be impossible...I just couldn't...so I said, let's just take this one day at a time and see what God has for you.
I commended him for his goals. I hoped along with him that they will become reality, I won't ever stop praying. But my heart couldn't take it today. So I just hugged him and stroked and kissed his head...and prayed over that brain, against that wicked illness.
I hate you schizophrenia. I want to shout with everything in me and fierce defiance!! I hate you!!
When we sang this song this morning, I was reminded of my Savior. How when he came to earth, He dwelt among the outcast and the poor. Then we sang about how when He comes again, all will be made right. On that day. We're still living in the not yet. We still live on this planet, full of sickness, injustice, unthinkable suffering. And when I am overcome by it all, I remember that it isn't right yet. I long for when it will be right. All right, because He will come for us and joy unspeakable awaits those who are in Him.
And I remember what has already been made right by His sacrifice on the cross for me. Why should I even know Him at all? How can this be? And yet it is so. So I'll keep remembering with each wave of setback that all is not right yet here on earth and let the setbacks press me towards Him, to keep my eyes on eternity.
The Glorious Christ.
The radiance of the Father
Before the dawn of time
You spoke and all creation came to be
The molecules and planets
Reveal Your great design
And every one was made so we could see
So we could see
You are the glorious Christ
The greatest of all delights
Your power is unequaled
Your love beyond all heights
No greater sacrifice
Than when You laid down Your life
We join the song of angels
Who praise You day and night
Glorious Christ
You left the air of heave
To breathe the dust of earth
And dwell among the outcast and the poor
You came to be forsaken
And died to take our curse
So You could be our joy forevermore
Forevermore
You’re seated now in heaven
Enthroned at God’s right hand
You’ve shattered death and freed us
From our fears
And though we cannot see You
You’re coming back again
And all will be made right when You appear
And all will be made right when You appear
By Bob Kauflin © 2012 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)
"Schizophrenia all by itself has been called "the worst disease known to man," and by people who are working to cure it. It can destroy a person's brain over time. A world famous doctor who just visited Hopkins said to me: "having a child get schizophrenia can be worse than having a child die. He "dies" but continues to live, only he's not there any more". I said, "YES. This disease is endless grieving, nothing can prepare you for it; if your child died, that in itself would be the most horrible thing you could imagine, but mine 'dies' right in front of me, twice a year...you doctors resurrect him for a few months, then he 'dies' again". He said, "I know, I'm sorry."
I read those words after my husband took our son home, back to his group home tonight. A flood gate of tears ensued because in a natural sense, those words are painfully true.
We're still in a down turn. My son is struggling only he doesn't realize it. As I stared into his beautiful big brown eyes and he told me how he wants to get a house, a car, and have family over for barbecues...all this after he gets his job...I didn't even try to explain, again, how he is sick and unless he maintains an upward spiral for a good time, work will be impossible...I just couldn't...so I said, let's just take this one day at a time and see what God has for you.
I commended him for his goals. I hoped along with him that they will become reality, I won't ever stop praying. But my heart couldn't take it today. So I just hugged him and stroked and kissed his head...and prayed over that brain, against that wicked illness.
I hate you schizophrenia. I want to shout with everything in me and fierce defiance!! I hate you!!
When we sang this song this morning, I was reminded of my Savior. How when he came to earth, He dwelt among the outcast and the poor. Then we sang about how when He comes again, all will be made right. On that day. We're still living in the not yet. We still live on this planet, full of sickness, injustice, unthinkable suffering. And when I am overcome by it all, I remember that it isn't right yet. I long for when it will be right. All right, because He will come for us and joy unspeakable awaits those who are in Him.
And I remember what has already been made right by His sacrifice on the cross for me. Why should I even know Him at all? How can this be? And yet it is so. So I'll keep remembering with each wave of setback that all is not right yet here on earth and let the setbacks press me towards Him, to keep my eyes on eternity.
The Glorious Christ.
The radiance of the Father
Before the dawn of time
You spoke and all creation came to be
The molecules and planets
Reveal Your great design
And every one was made so we could see
So we could see
You are the glorious Christ
The greatest of all delights
Your power is unequaled
Your love beyond all heights
No greater sacrifice
Than when You laid down Your life
We join the song of angels
Who praise You day and night
Glorious Christ
You left the air of heave
To breathe the dust of earth
And dwell among the outcast and the poor
You came to be forsaken
And died to take our curse
So You could be our joy forevermore
Forevermore
You’re seated now in heaven
Enthroned at God’s right hand
You’ve shattered death and freed us
From our fears
And though we cannot see You
You’re coming back again
And all will be made right when You appear
And all will be made right when You appear
By Bob Kauflin © 2012 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)
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