On the Defense
defensive:
1. serving to defend; protective: defensive armament.
2. made or carried on for the purpose of resisting attack: defensive treaty; a defensive attitude.
3. of or pertaining to defense.
4. a. able to provide moderately steady growth with minimal risk: The bank has put a large percentage of its assets in defensive rather than growth stocks.
b. considered stable and relatively safe for investment, especially during a decline in the economy.
5. excessively concerned with guarding against the real or imagined threat of criticism, injury to one's ego
or exposure of one's shortcomings.
Thank you Dictionary.com.
So, I looked up this word today because I seem to be apologizing for being "defensive" alot lately relating to my son's care. I mean the first 4 bullet points are pretty positive, I think, "heck yeah, I'm going to defend and protect my son". Ah, but then ya get to number 5...and...guilty. Oh boy, yeah. Howdy.
I think somewhere secretly in the dark recess of my heart I would honestly like to carry around a little index card with "What I've learned about schizophrenia and think you should know too" and hand it out to everyone I come in contact with. Especially to the folks who ask "those" questions. Somewhere, I've crossed the line of defending my son, to defending my own ego. Truly.
It's a fine line and I am so grateful that God is helping me to become more aware of it.
Now that I've spilled my guts on this, I remembered that I did a little post on THE most oft asked question (that really, really irritates me...ehem, no, I mean that is not a correct assumption about serious mental illness). I also remembered that I would share the next oft question that is not helpful. Not at all. To my son, nor to my ego. But the latter is irrelevant except to my own sanctification...so here goes...
Please, please do not ask a mom of a child, adult or otherwise, with a serious mental illness if "something happened to him/her as a child"?
In the first place, do you think this question is helpful? If so, please explain how here_____________.
Second...is that really your business in the first place?
Third...this is so over done. I mean Freud is so yesterday...and if I were to give full vent to the #5 bullet point above I would punch him in the nose were he alive today. Actually, I think I would be covered under #1 ~ #4 on that one. This dude, in my humble opinion (and most likely millions of moms across the globe}, single handedly set us back an entire century. But this is for another day...
Are there people who have had horrific trauma as children that has greatly impacted their current health? Absolutely. I have no doubt and for many, many in this category my heart goes out to you. But this little blog page does not permit me to share all that I have learned and observed about those who suffer as my son with a real brain disorder. It is devastating enough without those kinds of questions. Because I guarantee you, as a mom, I've searched for answers...high and low.
So how do people ask questions? This post might leave the impression that we want to be a tiny island unto ourselves. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ask how we're doing. Ask how you can pray. Not just for us, but other families you may know. Personally, I do not mind actual questions about the illness itself. I actually welcome them. A very kind man I know in our church simply came to me and asked about our son. No preconceived notions, just inquired and listened. He now talks and relates with our son every Sunday and I couldn't be more grateful for this man's willingness to learn and to reach out to him. Words cannot express what these types of interactions mean to us as a family, and to our son.
The conclusion of the matter? Besides the fact that I finally got this off my chest? Ask away. But ask away with a dash of humility and an open heart. If you don't have faith for that, then carry us through your prayers. Thanks for listening, to one who was once on the other side :O).
1. serving to defend; protective: defensive armament.
2. made or carried on for the purpose of resisting attack: defensive treaty; a defensive attitude.
3. of or pertaining to defense.
4. a. able to provide moderately steady growth with minimal risk: The bank has put a large percentage of its assets in defensive rather than growth stocks.
b. considered stable and relatively safe for investment, especially during a decline in the economy.
5. excessively concerned with guarding against the real or imagined threat of criticism, injury to one's ego
or exposure of one's shortcomings.
Thank you Dictionary.com.
So, I looked up this word today because I seem to be apologizing for being "defensive" alot lately relating to my son's care. I mean the first 4 bullet points are pretty positive, I think, "heck yeah, I'm going to defend and protect my son". Ah, but then ya get to number 5...and...guilty. Oh boy, yeah. Howdy.
I think somewhere secretly in the dark recess of my heart I would honestly like to carry around a little index card with "What I've learned about schizophrenia and think you should know too" and hand it out to everyone I come in contact with. Especially to the folks who ask "those" questions. Somewhere, I've crossed the line of defending my son, to defending my own ego. Truly.
It's a fine line and I am so grateful that God is helping me to become more aware of it.
Now that I've spilled my guts on this, I remembered that I did a little post on THE most oft asked question (that really, really irritates me...ehem, no, I mean that is not a correct assumption about serious mental illness). I also remembered that I would share the next oft question that is not helpful. Not at all. To my son, nor to my ego. But the latter is irrelevant except to my own sanctification...so here goes...
Please, please do not ask a mom of a child, adult or otherwise, with a serious mental illness if "something happened to him/her as a child"?
In the first place, do you think this question is helpful? If so, please explain how here_____________.
Second...is that really your business in the first place?
Third...this is so over done. I mean Freud is so yesterday...and if I were to give full vent to the #5 bullet point above I would punch him in the nose were he alive today. Actually, I think I would be covered under #1 ~ #4 on that one. This dude, in my humble opinion (and most likely millions of moms across the globe}, single handedly set us back an entire century. But this is for another day...
Are there people who have had horrific trauma as children that has greatly impacted their current health? Absolutely. I have no doubt and for many, many in this category my heart goes out to you. But this little blog page does not permit me to share all that I have learned and observed about those who suffer as my son with a real brain disorder. It is devastating enough without those kinds of questions. Because I guarantee you, as a mom, I've searched for answers...high and low.
So how do people ask questions? This post might leave the impression that we want to be a tiny island unto ourselves. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ask how we're doing. Ask how you can pray. Not just for us, but other families you may know. Personally, I do not mind actual questions about the illness itself. I actually welcome them. A very kind man I know in our church simply came to me and asked about our son. No preconceived notions, just inquired and listened. He now talks and relates with our son every Sunday and I couldn't be more grateful for this man's willingness to learn and to reach out to him. Words cannot express what these types of interactions mean to us as a family, and to our son.
The conclusion of the matter? Besides the fact that I finally got this off my chest? Ask away. But ask away with a dash of humility and an open heart. If you don't have faith for that, then carry us through your prayers. Thanks for listening, to one who was once on the other side :O).
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